Day 4
Jenny & Jude set off at 9am & Pam set off at 10am after much bike ‘tinkering’ on Pete’s part.
Team Car went to Luss village near to ‘The Castle Hostel’ & did [not] climb trees with the mascots. Rach paddled in Loch Lomond with the ducks. Assorted flavours of fudge were bought in the shop for Team Bike 
& Team Car enjoyed playing the games in the Luss information centre (with sound effects & props, possibly provided for children…).
Team Car then went to the viewing platform above Loch Lomond from where you can see Rob Roy’s cave (we called to him but he wasn’t taking visitors that day) & then the Team Bike girls rang to say that Pam had not yet caught up with them (at 11:30am!) & would Team Car like to join them for lunch in Tyndrum?…
…By the time Team Car arrived in Tyndrum Pam had (finally) caught up with Jenni & Jude & Team Bike & Team Car enjoyed a greasy lunch in the sunshine (which had also just decided to turn up!)…Rach managed to coat her chips in sugar rather than salt (said chips already having mayonnaise on them) & in doing so discovered a new weird & wonderful form of dessert.
After Team Bike set off for their afternoon stint of cycle-athon-ing Team Car drove through Glencoe up to Fort William, located the backpacker’s hostel & then went on a pub hunt….John managed to spot the CAMRA Pub of the Year where he sampled real ales & was manly (grrr)
Team Car also found ‘The Whiskey Shop’ where Rach bought a miniature bottle of Glenmorangie whiskey to replace Sam’s that got ‘pikey-ed’ in Balloch (what a load of ballochs!) – John took the opportunity to sample some whiskey & was a happy man.
Rach then received a call from Team Bike who were ringing to place an order for ‘7 pizzas, 5 bottles of wine & chocolate éclairs for dessert please’, after which Team Car went to Morrisons…
Team Bike & Rach were staying in the ‘Scottish Myths & Legends’ room at the backpackers hostel with one nice considerate quiet girl & one early riser who we shall affectionately name ‘the morning faffer’.
After polishing off 7 pizzas & 6 bottles of wine Jude went to bed & Jenni & Sam took on Pete & Rach in a game of Taboo…Rach kept accidentally moving the wrong piece around the board & cheering on the opposition without meaning to (possibly something to do with the many bottles of wine) & at some point during the game Jenni employed the unusual (dirty) tactic of jumping on Rach & biting her ear in a Mike Tyson-esque fashion…needless to say Jenni & Sam won…
…After running out of wine & clamouring for more alcohol the Hostel Manager sold Pam, Jenni & Rach some beers & Rach was informed the next day that she had bartered with him in an effort to get 2 cans for £1.50, after being offered them at £1.00 per can, apparently accusing him of lying when he said that he was selling them for the price he’d bought them & so wasn’t actually making a profit (the next day the Hostel Manager told Rach that she had been a charm & asked her to please come again as she was very entertaining)…
…Rach fell asleep in front of the fire & Jenni & Pete had a debate about the psychology of the human race before everyone tanked & went to bed, but not before Pete woke Jude up by throwing his socks in her face (Jude ‘ate’ one of them the following day as a punishment for her rude 1:00am awakening).
Day 5
‘The road to Nessie…’
In the morning Team Bike set off to Inverness & Team Car went to Inverlochy Castle where again they did [not] climb castles. Team Car had lunch at the commando memorial site where Rach bumped into 2 girls that had been in her room in the hostel in New Lanark who were cycling Carlisle to John O’Groats – they were doing well despite having been caught in the rain on more than one occasion & approved of Team Car’s supportive efforts of fudge, wine & pizza buying – next time they are thinking of having a support car…
Team Car then went to the Loch Ness Centre where Rach bought a new mascot to join Beer Monster & Bruce the Bruce, Drunken Ness, (Captain Crowley’s comment: “Rach, it’s just so, you!”) & Emma found coffee chocolate, bringing 2 of her greatest loves together
Team Car then met up with Jenni & Jude at the ‘Uruk-Hai Castle’ which we did [not] storm or climb & where Jude did [not] climb behind window bars & pose as a prisoner with mascots. Rach went paddling in Loch Ness & tried to get Nessie to come out & say hello but she must have been napping…then a woman with a walkie talkie appeared & asked Rach to please move away from the loch….please move a bit faster…please just leave…
Back at the hostel Pam cooked a curry for Team Bike (Rach sacrificed the left over bowl of ‘orange slush’ & the remaining half eaten naan bread to the God of hostel fridges the next morning rather than taking them all the way to John O’Groats) & after watching Dogma it was early to bed again for sleepeyheads in readiness for Team Bike’s 120 mile last day cycle….
At this point, before the last day’s blog, we have a ‘short story’, compiled by John Whitworth, which was [not] written in a car as a means of passing the time while Team Car drove many miles past many lochs through many glens.
We are waiting to hear from several publishers to see if any will give him an advance to finish the tale;
‘‘The road to the castle is long and treacherous, along the raging waters of the River Lochy. By the banks of Loch Eir the castle towers, completely unassailable by boat nor punt nor ship. There is but one small bridge spanning the gorge on the South side and our spies report that it would take a strong cart, more suited for the ice-roads of the North than our temperate climes, to traverse the expanse.”
Elvorg paused to take a long draught of his ale, and looked at Redbeard through the encroaching shadows of the inn’s common room. The rain was still beating against the shutters, and the door rattled in the wind.’
Stay tuned for the next instalment…
Day 6
Team Bike got up at the crack of dawn to set off on their mammoth 120 mile final straight from Inverness to John O’Groats….some time later Rach surfaced & Team Car set off to Glenmorangie whiskey distillery in…Glenmorangie! Emma & John enjoyed learning about how whiskey is made & inhaling the aromas deeply…the highlight of the experience though was the end…when we were ushered into a room where almost every surface was tartan & given tasters. John was very appreciative of being given Emma & Rach’s samples – it was just the right time of the morning to hit the hard stuff!
Team Car then had a break in the gorgeous village of Dornoch for a pub lunch & more daytime drinking…the sun was out & so ice creams were eaten & bikinis were put on (apart from John, who didn’t feel like putting his mankini on)…sunbathing on benches then took up a good hour & a half…
…Later Team Car passed a sign for a clearance village & John thought we were passing a designer outlet…
…Even later Team Car were ascending a very steep windy road when a large red articulated lorry suddenly appeared around a bend we were approaching…said lorry happened to be taking up both lanes as the driver attempted to make the turn…Captain Crowley saved the day by slowing down in time to allow the lorry driver time to correct himself & position said large articulated lorry in his lane…the only sign of Emma momentarily contemplating losing her cool was the loud proclamation of “OH HOLY SH*T!!” which was made upon said large articulated lorry first coming into view….such proclamation provided cause for much amusement AFTER the event!
…Team Car stopped at Wick (about 20 miles from John O’Groats) to pick up bubbly & booze & food for celebratory soaking, drinking & feasting at THE END…Rach went into an off licence & ordered;
“3 bottles of cava, 2 bottles of Asti, 9 bottles of wine…and a bottle of lambrini please” (this order would not have been chav-like but for Pete’s need to have lambrini fizz instead of cava, in honour of Lambrini the bike).
While in Wick Team Bike caught up with Team Car, at which point Team Car loaded the Batmobile with the booze & hit the gas up to John O’Groats to check in at the hostel & be ready & waiting for Team Bike at the finish line with said posh fizz (& lambrini) – this would have been much more easily possible & less frustrating had it not been for the deranged lady at the hostel who insisted on hearing each of Team Car’s life stories & showing each of us where the men’s & women’s toilets were SEPARATELY before allowing us to step foot inside the hostel, let alone unload…
…Team Car & mascots managed to establish themselves at the finish line with cameras & booze about 15 minutes before Team Bike’s CYCLE OF GLORY into John O’Groats…much whooping, cava (& lambrini) fizzing/soaking, asti toasting & photograph taking ensued & then Team Bike & Team Car relocated to the hostel for spag’ bol’ eating, wine drinking & planning of the next adventure (potentially Coast to Coast with Team Bike being the support team & Team Car walking in Summer 2010)…Jude attempted upside down cycling for a short time & then another team of end-to-enders who had finished the same day stayed up drinking with us & swopping stories of near death experiences & complaints about people with ‘all the gear & no idea’ ‘til the wee small hours of the morning…
Emma’s Contribution:
Captain’s Crowley’s List of Reasons Why Team Car Thought Team Bike Might Beat Team Car to John O’Groats:
1. Team Bike are awesome in the most awesomely famous way.
2. Getting celebratory alcohol in Wick was more tricky than we first thought.
3. The YHA lady was so overcome with friendliness and helpfulness and sanity that we nearly couldn’t unload and return to the scene of End of the Land.
4. Team Bike are awesome and speedy.
5. Team Car had a LOT of wine – this weighed down the Batmobile somewhat.
