Temple Meads 2.15 pm
Ramboll riders, Sam and Pete, arrive with one chain broken and entwined in rear wheel of Lambrini due to incident in transit to Paddington.

Backwell 3.55pm
Efforts to repair chain have been frustrated; Halfords is closing in minutes, Lambrini must be repaired in Cornwall. Sam offers his Kona mountain bike for Pete’s use to start the ride.

A30 south of Hale 7.45pm
Receive details of Dave Cross address in Camborne too late, we are already past the turning, and too tired to call in.

Kellynack YHA 8.15pm
Settled in with stand by car, standby bike and first of many(?) pasta meals for the carbs.

Day 1 Lands End To Tintagell
I am late (first time but not last!) to join Sam and Pete at Lands End; delayed at the YHA after their departure. There is a queue for the sign post behind a group of 7 LEJOGEND2END, a 15 yo unicyclist and a couple of Scots so down to the Last House for photos including ..the MALTLOAF.

Pete, Sam and Sam's Dad at Lands End

Maltloaf? Day 1

0945 am They are at the Start then off…pedalling along the coast road while I beetle along the A30 with Lambrini headed for The Cycle Shop, Penzance and repairs. The shop is efficient but squirreled away behind the Star Inn. Fortunately its reputation is such that every one in Penzance can give you directions! Pete and his Lambrini are reunited; for the Mountain bike, after just 15 miles, its John O’Groats dash is over.

Pete awaits Lambrini's new chain

1130 am Riders head for Redruth Railway Station and our next refuelling meeting. I think I have time to replace the Peugeot’s tyre but…the wheel security key is in the boot requiring removal of bike, rack and contents .. so I am late to Redruth by 10 minutes. At this stage the riders are still able to eat energy bars.

1.30 pm Agree next meeting will be at Quintrell Downs. I think I have time to return to Camborne to collect Dave and Beccie’s homemade energy bars and donation to the ride. Wrong. A traffic jam around a broken down crane and underestimate of the Ramboll riders’ progress mean I miss the rendezvous and we agree a new place 5 miles on. Could we succeed without mobile phones?

3.30pm The last refuelling stop is to be Trewen. I go there straight away; well with brief shopping stop in Bodmin to buy Robinson’s cordials and the evening meal to be eaten in Tintagell.

(A brief diversion is required to explain this act. You will recall I am driving a borrowed car. My faith in Backwell Motors is such that I expected them to replace the failed wheel bearings (my diagnosis) during the day allowing me to return to Backwell overnight to swop cars. Therefore I was travelling with food for one night (Sunday) and no change of clothes. I had forgotten that Sam and Pete would need to eat on Monday night. A phone call to Backwell revealed that the bearings were fine and that work on the suspension would be undertaken on Tuesday. Instantly I join the Monday night eaters club and must buy the makings for chosen by the cooks of the night Sam and Pete. Note they are still eating pasta.)

Sam and Pete arrive complaining about the small wiggly roads which avoid the A roads by criss crossing the contours and plunging down and up in thin valleys along roads covered in running water and gravel. Poor surfaces and too steep down or up to keep a good rhythm.

1700 leave Trewin following the Ramboll route as far as Treburgett where a hand painted sign advising sat nav drivers not to go that way to Tintagell. I go round by A39. Sam and Pete plunge on regardless. Plunge is the operative word. The last coombe is double chevron down and double up. They beat me to the Youth Hostel. I had to call by the village for a clean shirt for the morrow.

Tintagell Youth Hostel is perched on a cliff, run by volunteers and does not do breakfast. A later trip to the village to buy the makings is required together with a pint or two. For the record Tintagell is full of private car parks with payment required at all times. There is a single yellow line in the middle for 4 cars. Not a lot know that.

The rider from Lands End to Lands End also overnights and can offer some advice of late revisions to the route for Tuesday including, and especially to avoid the A3072. The guest book has an entry from the girls two days ahead of us – clearly still happy.

Day 2 Tintagell to Tiverton
With no side calls to make I follow the Ramboll route to the first meet at Whetstone. I find a comfortably level route along white roads and then realise I have left the Ramboll route. Just to be on the safe side I back track the intended route to find it’s wiggly, criss crossing contours, wet and gravely. I park up at junction to send them the better way.

At a later late morning stop in a garage forecourt the riders request future stops in cafes with hot drinks and seats. See what can be done..tomorrow.

It proves to be a day of hills and flats. Tintagell to Whitstone was hilly. Whitstone to Hatherleigh flatter including a long, aerobar holding run past Brandis Corner. Then after Hatherleigh it was a big hill after every village to and including Eggsford. Six in all. The final leg to Tiverton was flattish with a big climb into the town to finish at the B&B.

Time for me to leave and return to Backwell to recover the Golf. Apparently the suspension was not worn;, it was falling off. The Welsh repair firm who handled Luke’s crash repair did not have their eye on the ball and had left the suspension fittings to the chassis loose. Half an hour with a spanner and Charlie’s crew have sorted it. Without my strategic stocks of pasta and sauce in the car Pete and Sam are free to go out and choose the protein option of steaks, big ones.

Day 3 Tiverton to Backwell
A rotten day for weather. It starts with very heavy rain all morning and only lets up after lunch. Fortunately it is a short one of only 63 miles.

No roadside refuelling today. I park up in Sainsbury’s in Taunton and then walk round to Costa’s with Sam and Pete on their arrival. It’s time for large hot drinks and cakes. Their journey had necessarily followed the A38. “Not a bad road” thought I as I drove it , fairly quiet running as it goes parallel to the M5. “Wrong” said the riders who had been offered no quarter by the trucks and had had two close shaves in the twenty miles and an emergency stop on a round about when cut up by a joining lorry.

The intention of waterproof riding shoes is to keep the water out. In Sam’s case the water has run down the legs and turned the shoes into two mobile water tanks .A Costa’s conference takes the decision to drop the intended further route along the A38 and default to a trip across the levels to Mark to follow the route Marie and I took on the tandem in 2006. Mark has two pubs. I arrived early and chose the warmer one. However the mobile coverage is poor and Sam and Pete have to play hunt the pub as well. We eventually meet up for a pint and bowl of soup..

Our wet Costa stop in Taunton

The rain is easing after lunch as Sam and Pete start the last leg to Backwell. The route includes a brief reunion with the A38 at the foot of the Mendips before a welcome diversion onto the Sustrans route to skirt the hills along a railway track and tunnel to Sandford. I am waiting with camera on the platform of Windford station as they come through. Pete does a very creditable impression of Thomas puffing along. From Sandford it is then a flat run round Churchill to Congresbury and home.

Day 4 Backwell to Leominster
It starts the same as yesterday. Heavy showers. Grabbing a gap between the heaviest rainfall Sam and Pete set off to Bristol. First stop is a photo call at the Penny Brohn centre, a 30 year old Bristol cancer support charity to whom Marie had turned for help in counselling, retreats, dietary advice and therapy courses to boost the mind and therefore the body’s natural defences. On the way to the next photo shoot at St Peter’s Hospice there is the opportunity to capture the Ramboll riders on the Suspension Bridge. This is more difficult than it would appear at first sight because the pedestrian footpath is lethally slippery and I have to walk very carefully to keep my balance. The photo shoot at St Peter’s is at the Bentry unit which is on our route. Marie went to the Knowle Hospice in the south of Bristol for much needed respite care two months before she died. Again Pete and Sam are made most welcome and sent on their way after drinks and cakes. They head north. I head south to return to Backwell for forgotten sleeping bags required for the stopover in the Wirral.

Our slippery crossing of the suspension bridge

Stopping in at Penny Brohn

With my need to criss cross Bristol the Ramboll riders beat me to Monmouth and I am invited to join them at the Conservative Club for lunch. They were full of the joys of life when we met; the rain had stopped and the ride up the Wye valley had been great. Panini, potato wedges and coffee filled the gap. The Gents was a complicated route from the restaurant however a helpful old Tory propping up the bar called out the final directions to any stranger passing through. How thoughtful of the Club to provide such a service.

The climb out of Monmouth was long but not too taxing although I was closely buzzed by a car trying to get a hill climbing photo. Thereafter the A466 ran across the top of hills with clear views of the countryside around. At Hereford I arranged a refuelling stop at the Asda café but they were keen to press on to the Youth Hostel after a brief drink and bite of bar. They head north. I divert into the Tesco car park to do some shopping. The riders beat me to the youth hostel and, like air traffic controllers, talk me down through successively narrow and unmarked lanes to the car park. The Leominster YHA is a rare thing; a hostel in the middle of the town. It can be highly recommended for this.

The evening is an opportunity to have time apart; Sam and I head across the A44 (great sweeping flowing bends) to Worcester for dinner with Dave and Clare while Pete samples the baked potatoes of Leominster. He draws the short straw; our pub grub goes down without incident.

Day 5 Leominster to Wirral 110 miles.
A dry sunny day in prospect; Sam and Pete head north towards Ludlow while I say goodbye to Adrienne, a 75 year old New Zealander who faces a 6 linked local bus trip south on her next UK tour. I delay to buy food for the day which offers an exciting tour of the delicatessens in the town to choose some tasty food including a quiche for lunch.

Pedal on the metal to make the first rest stop I take a quick look at the map and wellie along the B road. I over take Pete and Sam but not on the same road; their yellow road was a subtle left turn off my one. Thank goodness for mobile phones. We meet up in a field entrance further on for drinks and bars. Before they head off replacement cleats are requested for Pete and knee support for Sam. We will meet in Wem for lunch.

I use my mobile phone so visit Yell on the net to find cycles shops in Shrewsbury. The screen is too small to show the ‘hits’ map so I choose a shop that has the cleats in stock. I overshoot the shop in heavy traffic and oscillate in queues until parked. Cleats bought (how many degrees of freedom does Pete want? Select 9o for ease on the knees.) A local pharmacy is undergoing shop refitting, the supermarket does not have knee supports. Where is Wem? I have to go back out the far side of town past more convenient shops. I am late. Ramboll riders beat me to Wem and find a café after Sam pops into a chemist for his support. As I enter the town I see a cycle shop that looks old enough to have cleats too. Next time I will shop on arrival. The café is OK; in fact we never had a poor one on my part of the trip. 65 miles down, 45 to go, Sam and Pete are on a roll on this flattish stage. Wem has a special deal on, probably a coincidence but there is a God, the supermarket has MALTLOAF at two for a pound. I buy four. Should have been more.

The next stage stop is at Malpas which is chosen by me for sentimental reasons. The word / term featured as part of my previous career. It proves to be a quiet town with a kerbside space for refuelling. One more stopover before the Wirral; we choose a village, Mollington, north of Chester.

Great news, Mollington is nothing special but, hey, 2 miles up the road is a Little Chef. They are always warm and reliable. Tea for me, hot chocolate for them.

Last leg to Irby and my sat nav battery is dying (it’s off a motorbike and does not work well in cars). I drive for twenty minutes and switch on for 1 minute and then iterate until I arrive at Sam’s college friend Pete’s house. The Ramboll riders are fit and happy after 110 miles. Tonight is curry. I organise the car and pack the quiche in a safe place.

Day 6 Irby to Troutbeck 103 miles
A cold and wet start to the day. The weather forecast is good for the later day and the meeting up with the rest of Ramboll. Sam and Pete have to catch the ferry across the Mersey at 09.10am so they set off in good time at 08.00am. We meet at the nearest terminal at 0845 but no ferry is scheduled. That is because we are at the wrong terminal. A short dash downriver to Seacombe and they are aboard and afloat on time.

I am hardly out of the tunnel and Sam is on the phone requesting an immediate café stop for loo and breakfast. Fazakerley has a café (but no loo); across the road Somerfield has no public loo so the key words ‘Land’s End to John O’Groats’ are passed and access to the staff facilities are opened up. Many thanks. By the time the full English has been eaten the good news is the rain has stopped; the bad that we are now behind schedule for the Preston meet with the Ramboll Peleton.

The programme slips seriously behind schedule when I am delayed shopping in Skelmersdale and miss Pete and Sam at the next refuelling stop. After an extended set of mobile phone calls we meet up at a Farmers’ Market deep in the white roads behind Bispham Green and 1 ½ miles off route and twenty minute delay.

At Preston the two become eight Ramboll Riders and at 1.00 pm the posse heads North. Our first meet at Scorton, randomly chosen between the M6 and A6 on distance from Preston, proves to be a cyclists’ haven with CTC lounge in the local pub. The village even has a Spar from where I bought extra stocks of bananas. In the ensuing melee of arriving and refuelling riders I note that someone has bought 10 litres of water and put it on the nearside of the car. We agree to meet at Ramboll Bridge in Carnforth ( a dramatic modern construction for pedestrians to cross the ) and then onto the next refuelling at Warton.

Team Ramboll unite in Preston

Team Ramboll on a Ramboll bridge

I am heading to Carnforth and realise that I have not packed the 10 litres of water in the car. If I turn back I will miss the bridge and it is not worth the petrol . However on the run into Carnforth there is another Spar and I can buy another 20 litres. I cannot park near the bridge so miss the bridge party anyway but a passing pedestrian does the business and gets them all in a line along the bridge. Warton is closed for gas repairs but is accessible to cyclists. Sam and Peter, with 80 miles covered are desperate for carbohydrate and request the quiche. I search the car but cannot find it in the back among the other provisions.

So far the route has been flat but that is about to change. The flat A6 is abandoned in favour of the Sustrans route through the three Yealants and the riders indulge in steep climbs up and up and up and then a big swoop down to Beetham. A flattish bit to the A5074 and then the entry to the Lake Distinct with climbs and drops all the way to Windermere.

Due to a confusion of Youth Hostels the Peleton are at YHA Ambleside and the core Riders at YHA Troutbeck. When booking the riders were unaware that theirs’ was on the climb to Kirkston; when they turned off the main road, after 101 miles, they found out, as the gradients steepened up the road and then steepened more in the YHA drive, the truth. When I unload the car there is the quiche on the passenger seat. Pete and Sam, 103 miles done, each take half and top up the carbs closely followed by the milk shakes (25% protein, 75% carbohydrate to eaten within 20 minutes of finishing exercise).

Great was the celebration and barbeque that night at Ambleside – a big pasta for all and then hot dogs cooked on the shores of the Lake. After much discussion those in Ambleside decided to climb the Pass from Ambleside and those in Troutbeck from the YHA. Meet at the pub at the top at 10.30 for ale and prayers.

Day 7 Windermere to Gretna 70 miles
A simple day’s ride – a 500m height gain in 5 km then a long down swoop to Penrith, Carlisle and Gretna. However, not for everyone, well not immediately.

(A side note: with hind site the support driver realised that, had he practised and was fit, then Kirkstone Pass was an opportunity for him to cycle to the top, sup at the pub and then return to the car at the YHA. Sadly for him he had publicly wimped out before cruel fate snatched the opportunity away from him anyway.)

Lambrini was the first casualty when Pete sheared his (her?) saddle clamp bolts. This proved to be good news (see below). The bike was loaded onto the support car and he and Bob headed for Windermere. Hardly had they reached the town when the mobile recalled the support car as Buffy had stripped its transmission. Abandoning Pete to find the cycle shop Jude and bike were collected from YHA and delivered to the cycle shop. The Windermere cycle shop had no queue for the mechanic nor, sadly, the right cassette. Car and bike head to Ambleside closely followed by Pete on his repaired Lambrini . Memo to support cars, please carry selection of small screws. The Ambleside cycle shop had the cassette, chain and rings and a queue. Jude was 4th in line. Batting the eyelids and muttering the magic mantra ‘Lands End to John O’Groats’ she expected priority treatment. Wrong. 66.6% of the queue in front of her also claimed LEJOG privileges. Eventually she would be repaired and on the road by two o’clock with, due to Pete’s lack of reconciliation of small screws with low torque, a support rider to share the trip to Gretna. Actually he was fortunate in having Jude as a guide having missed the Kirkstone Pass turning on his first circuit of Ambleside.

All the above seems a simple to’ing from YHA to Ambleside via Windermere for the support car. In practice nearly three hours of continuous support car driving was involved with other, unmentioned to’ing and fro’ing. The actual journeys covered were Y, A (peleton bags),Y, W (Lambrini), Y, W (Buffy), A (Buffy), Y (YHA cards), A. All this was interspersed with mobile calls – ‘hey we’ve made it to the top, wow what a ride’,’ this is a great pub, eta for repairs?’,’ we’re moving on’, ’Pooley Bridge is great , lunch great’.

At 1.15 pm I am clear of Ambleside climbing, by car, the Kirkstone Pass. It is a bugger. Turn right off the Lakeside road and climb a wall immediately…and so on and so on but then after 3 km throw away a big chunk of the height gain and start again. However I have no time to dawdle as it is now time to hot foot to Pooley Bridge to collect La Lampe Rouge who needs a lift to Carlisle to catch a mid afternoon train while the rest of Team Ramboll cycle the route.

At last I stop driving and settle into a Carlisle pavement chair outside a pub for a half in the sunshine until the riders arrive. Since there are traffic lights just before the station Carlisle is spared the thigh pumping, elbow throwing, bike wobbling sprint finish. I swop pubs to have a drink with the team. Jenni has a G &T. “Do you want a double?” asks the barmaid “It’s only 9p more.” Offer declined.

Hugs and thanks to the supporting riders getting on the train and then Sam and Jenni cycle north. We meet at their hotel – yes hotel not hostel. A few tips, book on line at £60 and avoid the foyer price quoted of £140, arrive on a Sunday and get the two meals for price of one deal, do not tell management that your bikes are so precious that they are going in the room with you, they will find a stable for them where none had been available before.

Time for me to offer hugs and good luck, off load all the surplus pasta and milk shakes still in the car and my track pump but not the 20 litres of water. Pete and Jude pass me on the hotel drive as I leave.

Having uploaded Rach’s excellent account of Team Car’s adventures for the last few days of the trip, it is high time I filled in some of the details of our final few days riding to the End!

Day 9/11 New Lanark to Loch Lomond
This day started with a heart pounding steep climb out of New Lanark followed by my second favourite decent of the whole trip! A fast twisting section of the A72 out of Lanark carrying 25-30mph the whole way down it was great! Pete, stuck behind captain slow in a Rover, thought it was fairly tame at 20mph.

On from the twists and turns of the A72 we stopped for brunch in Hamilton where the pains of the previous nights drinking caught up with Pete to the point where we lost him on our ride out of town, Jude’s quick thinking and hi vis jacket had him back with us in 5minutes!

The hangover from 7 bottles of wine the night before hit Pete hard in Hamilton

Jude improvises a new signalling method to locate the lost and hungover Pete

finally found the Sustrans route into Glasgow, though instead of cycle path it should really be called crushed glass alley. Every corner was littered with smashed remnants of a Glaswegian picnic it seemed. Despite the imminent tire danger we cycled on and found the route to be very scenic taking in sweeps of the River through the heart of Glasgow.

Free wheeling on the glassy glaswegian cycle path

We stopped in at the saltmarket where the kind staff at Billy Bilsand Cycle shop indexed Jude’s gears for free! Nice one guys:)
With bikes fixed and new brake blocks purchased, we chilled in the unusually sunny weather on Glasgow Green with ice creams, it was very idyllic until some locals dealing something illegal 20m from us made Pete and me decide it was time to move on. Jude and Jenni, completely oblivious to these local transactions, were happy to hit the road as well.

chilling on Glasgow Green after ice cream in the sun

How many end to enders does it take to ride this bike?

Ducati poses can be achieved on a bicycle...

2miles down the road from Loch Lomond Hostel we stopped for a pint, which turned into dinner in Balloch, leaving our bikes outside the pub. In this fair establishment for some time we all had some great grub but some pikey stole my whiskey mascot off my seat post!! then cycling the 2 miles from the pub to the hostel we had our 3rd puncture of the day, this time my tyre gave in to a large shard of Glasgow’s finest. bad times

On the bright side our arrival at the Loch Lomond YHA was a pleasant surprise as it turns out the YHA is not a hostel but more of a castle come stately home…

Loch Lomond YHA!

Day 10/12 Loch Lomond to Fort William
This day started off as Rach mentioned with the boys “tinkering on the bikes”, or taking care of essential maintenance as we saw it. The saddle position on both mine and Pete’s bikes needed vital adjustment before we set off up to Inverness. Which meant that the girls had plenty of time to make a lead on us, or enough for me and Pete to blast along the shores of Loch Ness at 23mph with big grins, until our knees decided that was enough silliness and we slowed the pace to something more reasonable for the distance.

After catching the girls at Tyndrum we all enjoyed a greasy lunch at the local fish bar, I had the largest onion rings I had ever seen

MEGA ONION RINGS!!

Formation riding to Glencoe

The hills were steady and long and the views impressive. With our differences in pace on the hills Pete and me decided to hide at the top of a particularly large climb and wait for the girls to cycle past oblivious to our whereabouts. Sadly we suck at being able to hide in 40cm high gorse and the girls spotted us straightaway, doh!

After each hill climb the decents were long straight and fast! To Pete’s frustration I blasted him on one decent using my tri bars, so he chased me down using Jenni to lead him out only to catch me when I thought it was all over!

Day 11/13 the separate adventures of the boys and girls – Fort William to Inverness
The penultimate day of the journey started out more sedately after the beasting downhills of the previous day. This days ride found us winding along the shores of Loch Lochy up towards Loch Ness where we stopped in at Fort Augustus for some well earned lunch. At this point in the ride we had two options to continue along the busy bland A82 or to divert to the other side of Loch Ness to the B862 which Pete said had a couple of climbs and then found it’s way back to the Loch to head along the shore up to Inverness. Having had our fill of A roads Pete and me decided to head off into the hills for a challenging climb, whereas the girls had the scent of age old brick work on the wind and wanted to visit Urquat Castle on the A82. Thus we went our separate ways for the afternoon with the plan of meeting in Inverness later, little did Pete and me know what lay in store.

The B862 was mean, brutally mean and nasty. A relentless 2mile climb out of Fort Augustus and we were ruined, making it to a scenic little loch we rounded a corner to see the hill continued upward!!

The never ending hill out of Fort Augustus

More of the never ending hill

Though when we finally arrived at the top we were rewarded with an amazing view, my favourite of the trip.

The view from the B862

Continuing on from here Pete and me abandoned conventional muscle power in favour of smug propulsion, drawn from the sense of satisfaction that our route had worked out way better than continuing along the A82. On route past Loch Ness on the northern side we stopped at the impressive Falls of Foyer, unfortunately it was a long walk from the road in our bike shoes.

The Falls of Foyer!

We arrived in Inverness 2hours before team car and the girls giving plenty of time to kick back with beers and admire Inverness Castle.

Inverness Castle

The last days early start meant we had an easy evening in Inverness cooking up a mean curry with loads of Dahl to carb load for the final push to JOG. The Inverness hostels kitchen was sparse on the utensil front so Pete cooked up the Dahl in a stainless steel salad bowl. Still it tasted amazing.

Day 12/14 Inverness to John O Groats! (only 122 miles)
Setting out early, everyone was a little sore headed and tired, so after a few miss turns in Inverness we were out onto the horrendously busy A9! ahhh it was nasty! massive lorries thundered past just a few feet from us as we tackled the first hills of the day.

the busy A9 out of Inverness

As we carried on further north the A9 became quieter and more winding as it followed the coast, we passed the Glen Morangie distillery but couldn’t go in for a drink as we still had a long way to cycle

Some time later in the ride Me and Pete attempted hiding from the girls at the top of a very big climb, we did such a good job that the girls didn’t see us. Though the peleton of buff soldiers they had picked up on that hill may have been distracting them a bit.

Pushing on for the last 30 miles we had a strong headwind making the riding really tough, despite this we saw riders from several other end to end groups and decided to try catching them through some formation riding. With me and Pete taking turns at the lead and Jude an Jenni marshalling the group as joint coxes we set a cracking pace and managed to catch up with a group of riders tackling the ride for Alzheimer’s.

Then finally after far too many more hills we made it to John O Groats! Team Car who had done a sterling job with the booze all of the second week were on hand with some champers to celebrate! The sense of achievement when crossing the finish line was amazing 12 days, 970ish miles and the whole length of mainland UK viewed by bike.

Thanks
After such a great trip, I would like to thank everyone for their support in this great adventure. Thanks very much to my Dad who provided awesome support and proved a great member of the team particularly when bikes failed at the start and end of that week! Thanks to Team Car! You guys rocked the second weekJ sorry about my smelly shoes! Cheers to Dave Cross and Becky for the flap jack slices at the start of the trip to help us through Kernow, they were well nice dudes! Thanks to Dave Megson for putting us up in Irby, cheers mate

and a BIG THANK YOU to everyone who has so generously supported our adventure with sponsorship!!! The charities we have raised money for were a great help to my mum last year and I know all of the money raised will help them to continue to support many more people.

Jenny & Jude set off at 9am & Pam set off at 10am after much bike ‘tinkering’ on Pete’s part.

Team Car went to Luss village near to ‘The Castle Hostel’ & did [not] climb trees with the mascots. Rach paddled in Loch Lomond with the ducks. Assorted flavours of fudge were bought in the shop for Team Bike & Team Car enjoyed playing the games in the Luss information centre (with sound effects & props, possibly provided for children…).

Team Car then went to the viewing platform above Loch Lomond from where you can see Rob Roy’s cave (we called to him but he wasn’t taking visitors that day) & then the Team Bike girls rang to say that Pam had not yet caught up with them (at 11:30am!) & would Team Car like to join them for lunch in Tyndrum?…

…By the time Team Car arrived in Tyndrum Pam had (finally) caught up with Jenni & Jude & Team Bike & Team Car enjoyed a greasy lunch in the sunshine (which had also just decided to turn up!)…Rach managed to coat her chips in sugar rather than salt (said chips already having mayonnaise on them) & in doing so discovered a new weird & wonderful form of dessert.

After Team Bike set off for their afternoon stint of cycle-athon-ing Team Car drove through Glencoe up to Fort William, located the backpacker’s hostel & then went on a pub hunt….John managed to spot the CAMRA Pub of the Year where he sampled real ales & was manly (grrr)

Team Car also found ‘The Whiskey Shop’ where Rach bought a miniature bottle of Glenmorangie whiskey to replace Sam’s that got ‘pikey-ed’ in Balloch (what a load of ballochs!) – John took the opportunity to sample some whiskey & was a happy man.

Rach then received a call from Team Bike who were ringing to place an order for ‘7 pizzas, 5 bottles of wine & chocolate éclairs for dessert please’, after which Team Car went to Morrisons…

Team Bike & Rach were staying in the ‘Scottish Myths & Legends’ room at the backpackers hostel with one nice considerate quiet girl & one early riser who we shall affectionately name ‘the morning faffer’.

After polishing off 7 pizzas & 6 bottles of wine Jude went to bed & Jenni & Sam took on Pete & Rach in a game of Taboo…Rach kept accidentally moving the wrong piece around the board & cheering on the opposition without meaning to (possibly something to do with the many bottles of wine) & at some point during the game Jenni employed the unusual (dirty) tactic of jumping on Rach & biting her ear in a Mike Tyson-esque fashion…needless to say Jenni & Sam won…

…After running out of wine & clamouring for more alcohol the Hostel Manager sold Pam, Jenni & Rach some beers & Rach was informed the next day that she had bartered with him in an effort to get 2 cans for £1.50, after being offered them at £1.00 per can, apparently accusing him of lying when he said that he was selling them for the price he’d bought them & so wasn’t actually making a profit (the next day the Hostel Manager told Rach that she had been a charm & asked her to please come again as she was very entertaining)…

…Rach fell asleep in front of the fire & Jenni & Pete had a debate about the psychology of the human race before everyone tanked & went to bed, but not before Pete woke Jude up by throwing his socks in her face (Jude ‘ate’ one of them the following day as a punishment for her rude 1:00am awakening).

Day 5

‘The road to Nessie…’

In the morning Team Bike set off to Inverness & Team Car went to Inverlochy Castle where again they did [not] climb castles. Team Car had lunch at the commando memorial site where Rach bumped into 2 girls that had been in her room in the hostel in New Lanark who were cycling Carlisle to John O’Groats – they were doing well despite having been caught in the rain on more than one occasion & approved of Team Car’s supportive efforts of fudge, wine & pizza buying – next time they are thinking of having a support car…

Team Car then went to the Loch Ness Centre where Rach bought a new mascot to join Beer Monster & Bruce the Bruce, Drunken Ness, (Captain Crowley’s comment: “Rach, it’s just so, you!”) & Emma found coffee chocolate, bringing 2 of her greatest loves together

Team Car then met up with Jenni & Jude at the ‘Uruk-Hai Castle’ which we did [not] storm or climb & where Jude did [not] climb behind window bars & pose as a prisoner with mascots. Rach went paddling in Loch Ness & tried to get Nessie to come out & say hello but she must have been napping…then a woman with a walkie talkie appeared & asked Rach to please move away from the loch….please move a bit faster…please just leave…

Back at the hostel Pam cooked a curry for Team Bike (Rach sacrificed the left over bowl of ‘orange slush’ & the remaining half eaten naan bread to the God of hostel fridges the next morning rather than taking them all the way to John O’Groats) & after watching Dogma it was early to bed again for sleepeyheads in readiness for Team Bike’s 120 mile last day cycle….

At this point, before the last day’s blog, we have a ‘short story’, compiled by John Whitworth, which was [not] written in a car as a means of passing the time while Team Car drove many miles past many lochs through many glens.

We are waiting to hear from several publishers to see if any will give him an advance to finish the tale;

‘‘The road to the castle is long and treacherous, along the raging waters of the River Lochy. By the banks of Loch Eir the castle towers, completely unassailable by boat nor punt nor ship. There is but one small bridge spanning the gorge on the South side and our spies report that it would take a strong cart, more suited for the ice-roads of the North than our temperate climes, to traverse the expanse.”
Elvorg paused to take a long draught of his ale, and looked at Redbeard through the encroaching shadows of the inn’s common room. The rain was still beating against the shutters, and the door rattled in the wind.’

Stay tuned for the next instalment…

Day 6

Team Bike got up at the crack of dawn to set off on their mammoth 120 mile final straight from Inverness to John O’Groats….some time later Rach surfaced & Team Car set off to Glenmorangie whiskey distillery in…Glenmorangie! Emma & John enjoyed learning about how whiskey is made & inhaling the aromas deeply…the highlight of the experience though was the end…when we were ushered into a room where almost every surface was tartan & given tasters. John was very appreciative of being given Emma & Rach’s samples – it was just the right time of the morning to hit the hard stuff!

Team Car then had a break in the gorgeous village of Dornoch for a pub lunch & more daytime drinking…the sun was out & so ice creams were eaten & bikinis were put on (apart from John, who didn’t feel like putting his mankini on)…sunbathing on benches then took up a good hour & a half…

…Later Team Car passed a sign for a clearance village & John thought we were passing a designer outlet…

…Even later Team Car were ascending a very steep windy road when a large red articulated lorry suddenly appeared around a bend we were approaching…said lorry happened to be taking up both lanes as the driver attempted to make the turn…Captain Crowley saved the day by slowing down in time to allow the lorry driver time to correct himself & position said large articulated lorry in his lane…the only sign of Emma momentarily contemplating losing her cool was the loud proclamation of “OH HOLY SH*T!!” which was made upon said large articulated lorry first coming into view….such proclamation provided cause for much amusement AFTER the event!

…Team Car stopped at Wick (about 20 miles from John O’Groats) to pick up bubbly & booze & food for celebratory soaking, drinking & feasting at THE END…Rach went into an off licence & ordered;
“3 bottles of cava, 2 bottles of Asti, 9 bottles of wine…and a bottle of lambrini please” (this order would not have been chav-like but for Pete’s need to have lambrini fizz instead of cava, in honour of Lambrini the bike).

While in Wick Team Bike caught up with Team Car, at which point Team Car loaded the Batmobile with the booze & hit the gas up to John O’Groats to check in at the hostel & be ready & waiting for Team Bike at the finish line with said posh fizz (& lambrini) – this would have been much more easily possible & less frustrating had it not been for the deranged lady at the hostel who insisted on hearing each of Team Car’s life stories & showing each of us where the men’s & women’s toilets were SEPARATELY before allowing us to step foot inside the hostel, let alone unload…

…Team Car & mascots managed to establish themselves at the finish line with cameras & booze about 15 minutes before Team Bike’s CYCLE OF GLORY into John O’Groats…much whooping, cava (& lambrini) fizzing/soaking, asti toasting & photograph taking ensued & then Team Bike & Team Car relocated to the hostel for spag’ bol’ eating, wine drinking & planning of the next adventure (potentially Coast to Coast with Team Bike being the support team & Team Car walking in Summer 2010)…Jude attempted upside down cycling for a short time & then another team of end-to-enders who had finished the same day stayed up drinking with us & swopping stories of near death experiences & complaints about people with ‘all the gear & no idea’ ‘til the wee small hours of the morning…

Emma’s Contribution:

Captain’s Crowley’s List of Reasons Why Team Car Thought Team Bike Might Beat Team Car to John O’Groats:

1. Team Bike are awesome in the most awesomely famous way.

2. Getting celebratory alcohol in Wick was more tricky than we first thought.

3. The YHA lady was so overcome with friendliness and helpfulness and sanity that we nearly couldn’t unload and return to the scene of End of the Land.

4. Team Bike are awesome and speedy.

5. Team Car had a LOT of wine – this weighed down the Batmobile somewhat.

Side effects / withdrawal symptoms may include: purchase of totally unnecessary bike bits (Pete), cycle-related anxiety dreams (Jude), or urges to wear cycling kit around the house (Jenni).

ps – yes, updates and more pictures from final bits of the ride forthcoming. honestly!

Driving to Scotland was straightforward, finding the hostel was not.

As of 11.37 of day 2, yet to speak to an indigenous scot. Possible conclusion that Gretna is not only a haven for weddings, but also for migrant workers.

Side trip to Hadrian’s Wall and Birdcowald Roman Fort. The wall was ruler straight – Engineer’s comment = “Good. Built to last.”

Team Car – Day 2.

Rain. Went to Gem Rock museum, John in his element (har har). Emma found yummy tiffin cake. Rach found Divine fairtrade chocolate. Happy people.

Went to Castle Cardonas. Emma almost got in as a child. Castle had noble and peasant prisons – posh cell has a toilet and a window.

Went to New Lanark and got lost on the way as Doris could not cope with new build housing estate. Jude, Em & Rach found a Morissons and established opening times – only failed to notice the sign saying it opens in 2 weeks! Went on a hunt for a supermarket and failed to properly translate directions given by lady with a very thick Scottish accent (possibly first sighting of the Scot in it’s native habitat). Eventualy found Tescos where Team Bike’ supplies of jelly babies, banana and maltloaf could be replenished but pre-pubescent check-out cashier ID’d us and as only Rach had ID, the Tesco Gestapo would not let us uy the wine, yet we had strict instructions  not to return to the hostel without…

… so the hunt continued.. found the “Free Wine Shop” (aka Victoria Wines) where they were selling bottles of wine for £2 (=Free Wine!!)

Back at the hostel, enjoyed a delicious spag bol cooked up by Pam (=Pete+Sam). Rach then came into her element as support car  member extraordinaire. In a cunning plan to slow the boys down the next day, a game of 21s was started, the way only Hertford NB5 know how… (“Shall I get my … out?”  “I must get out of these wet things!”   “Elephant noise + arm action + ‘can I have a bun please”). Emma & John went out on a super-mission to get extra wine…

7 bottles later, and funnily enough the next day Pete & Rach were a teeny bit hungover (and Jude & Jenni definitely approved of Pete’s new improved pace up the hills!)

Team Car – Day 3.

Rach very hungover again, Pete too (starting to see a theme here…)

Team Car went to Castle Dangerous (Oooo) in Douglas, and Emma did not climb the castle.  The sheep were fearless and came right up to the car.

On the way to Castle Dangerous, Rach spotted Rivendell (photographic evidence duly procured!) and John & Rach took Bruce the Bruce and the Beer Monster (aka Frodo & Sam) to Rivendell.

As the rain didn’t look like it was moving anywhere, Team Car went to see “Harry the Potter and the Half Blood Prince” (sic.) – very good – much yummy salty popcorn and a spot of shopping afterwards. John bought computer games (surprise) and Em bought pretty shoes (Hooray!) Didn’t get mugged in Glasgow and car wasn’t on bricks when we returned – though a crazy lady tried hard to reverse into it (Cap’n Crowley honking hard alerted her and she managed to brake at the last minute – close one).

Team Car met up with Team Bike at a pub in Balloch (near Loch Lomond) for a pint or three followed by dinner.  Team Bike + Rach had their own room in Loch Lomond YHA (aka “The Castle Hostel”). Pete had managed to secure wine from the offie and Rach rustled up some glasses (assuring the receptionist that no, of course we weren’t drinking in our room).

Sam was distraught when his bottle of Bells (carried lovingly on KITT since Tiverton) was filched by some pikeys in the pub – not helped by everyone else laughing.. (John counted to one on behalf of the home office).

Same, Pete, Jenni & Rach went on an exploration of the castle to try to find a way onto the roof, but to no avail – though Pete & Rach did come across a room full of yodelling teenaged Germans on Band Camp. Very entertaining.

Early to bed for sleepy heads…

Day 8
Glorious glorious day of rest. Not in the saddle; bottoms rather appreciating this. Slept, loafed, had yet another shower in the super huge enormous wet room. Read lots of famous five and rebelled at the disgusting pre-feminist views expressed.
Finally roused ourselves to give Buffy and Lizzie a little bit of TLC, before heading down into town, brimming with excitement at the prospect of the latest Harry Potter film. Wonderful few hours of sitting down in a comfy cinema, made all the better when we came outside and saw it had been raining hard while we’d been snug and warm.

Angry at the famous five, Jude & Jenni had a feminist “grr… girls make fire” moment, lighting up the BBQ.. somewhat marred by womanly goodness in also doing the cooking. Joined by the Ramboll peloton (including the Boys), knackered from a long day but a few beers down and all forgotten. Sam has re-started the “Scott of the Antarctic” look; Pete on the other hand has grown a truly terrific ‘tash, a long blond shining creature, worthy of ‘70s plaid shirts and dodgy films “I’ve just come to fix the TV….”

Later on, talk turns to the Kirkstone pass, and all the guys declare they have pick axes ready and are going to take on the vertical slope. Jude and Jenni, having looked at the map, know that there’s a better way…

Vital Stats
Miles – 8
Distance to date – 563
Puncture count – Nil
Maltloaf count – Nil Death Count – Nil

The Boys & Girls Unite (Sort of):

Day 7 / 9 – In which Lambrini and Buffy balk at the hill

In the clear light of day and with the OS maps to hand (the Garmin, aka the Eye of Sauron giving way to superior old-school paper) the macho talk of pick-axe hills gave way when we realised our hostel was half way up the hill. Left the Riders of Rohan (aka Ramboll peloton) to tackle “The Struggle” up the face of Kirkstone, and were all set to take the sensible route up the hill.
Inevitably Pete felt the need for a bit of tweaking on Lambrini before we left, managing to shear the bolts on the seat post (she’s a flighty creature, didn’t fancy an uphill). Left him grumping around waiting to get her fixed, and got a full 10 yards up the hill before the 2nd mech failure of the day… after 4000-odd miles and no service Jude’s chainset finally gave up the ghost. She returned to Ambleside, joining Pete in the bike shop queue… [a highly distorted version of their day to follow!]
Maltloaf and Death now parted, Sam and Jenni proceeded up the hill with Simon, meeting Wai Kay, Steve, Phil, Mark and Surinder at the top for a coffee amid spectacular lake views.

NB – Time limit now imposed as drinking games beckon; no time to blog –apologies…
Idyllic afternoon cycling. Gorgeous lake district views, peloton speeding along, sunshine, gently rolling countryside. Best day yet; really felt like a holiday. Pub lunch, more zooming through fabulous views, pint in Carlisle where we put Mark and Simon back on the train, then Jenni & Sam pushed on across the border to Gretna.

YEAH we cycled the length of England (with some of Wales). Boomtown. Felt fabulous. Nice hotel to finish, with a steak dinner and plenty of Red to wash it down with. Perfect.

Vital Stats:
Miles: ~60
Distance to Date: 649
Puncture Count: Nil
Maltloaf Count: Nil Death Count: 5.5 (2 = Sheep running out in front of Pete and Jude whilst going down 20% hill @ 30mph; 1 = Lambrini; 1 = Buffy, 0.5 = Jenni running into the back of Sam and going over the handlebars)

Day 8 / 10 – Bored in the Borders

Fuelled by a nice dinner and proper beds, Team Bike prepared for the day. Jenni & Jude’s standard 3-course cycling breakfast was put to shame by the boys – having hoovered up everything the buffet had to offer, they then proceeded to order everything the fry-up menu had to offer, complete with black pudding and haggis.

A short spell tinkering with the bikes again, farewell to team car, and then team Maltloaf or Death hit the road together for the first time! Quickly settled into formation, nice B-road leading up the side of the motorway, traffic free and well surfaced – all you could ask for. Heads down and zoomed away, amazing how fast you can fly along when you’ve a nice back wheel to lock onto and follow! 20 miles in, starting to think this is a little monotonous. 40 miles in, really really bored. Upon sighting a bird of prey, started making field-mouse noises in the hopes that it would try to catch us, thus making things more interesting. In true lord of the rings fashion, the road goes ever on and on…

Finally made it into Lanark, where we made the mistake of listening to the locals (rather than trusting to the wisdom of the eye of Sauron). The boys’ sense of humour deteriorated rapidly when they had to carry the somewhat delicate Kit & Lambrini over a few miles of forest track, up sets of stairs, over bridges etc. Triumphant arrival at the hostel, only to discover that, due to our amazing speediness in the morning, it wasn’t due to open for a few hours.

Re-joined team Car, showers, big pasta cook-up, then after the 4th bottle of red, Rach decided that the boys needed to be taught the intricacies of 21s (Jude’s cunning plan to slow the boys down for tomorrow) – I abandon this post here with a one, maltloaf to my left….

Vital Stats:
Miles: 68
Av speed 15.9mph
Distance to Date: = 712
Ascent: ?
Puncture Count: Nil
Maltloaf Count: Nil Death Count: Nil (despite attempts to be eaten by a kestral)
Amusing quote of the day: Emma – “Four units? That’s not binge drinking; that’s lunch!”

Left Wolverhampton fuelled by the best porridge known to womankind. I mean where noraml porridge goes gluey, this had gone fluffy. With blueberries and cream and golden syrup and even the offer of whiskey. Incredible stuff.

Set off, head down, stopping over for second breakfast (in the home of gingerbread!) snacks, second lunch etc etc. Both starting to feel the pain a bit today, so less of the disney hits (sorry Pete and Sam, we might be recovering our voices in preparation for Scotland). Some decidedly un-pretty bits for the afternoon, alleviated by rounds of “scally bingo” – 5 points per scally (=chav for the southerners), with bonus points for teenagers with babies, invisible items of clothing, shouting in the street, groups where you can’t tell who is related to whom etc.

Met up with family Woodworth at the Anderton boat lift, lovely to see Rach and her parents – we are clearly unable to meet our friends who live 10 mins up the road unless we both happen to be hundreds of miles from home!

Eventually limped in to St Helens,  with an exciting incident where we genuinely couldn’t understand the locals - then fish, chips, shower and bed. In that order and with no movement that was not strictly necessary.

Vital Stats

- Miles: 82

- Distance to date: 471

- Ascent: ~1500ft

- Puncture count: Nil

- Maltloaf count: 1        

- Death Count: 2.5 (1-  Jude’s knee, cured by nurofen, 0.5 – Jenni failing to stop at lights and falling off, 1 - Jude’s sunnies)

- Amusing place name of the day: Flash Bottom

Day 7: To the North Pole!

After starting to feel it yesterday, we were a bit worried about Day 7, but as it turned out we didn’t even need the prospect of a rest day to spur us on. Bang up the A6 all day, straight roads all the way, zooming along. Met up with a couple of other end to enders, so cycling along chatting for 20 miles or so – and felt very smug to be faster than a couple of big guys.

Lunched by bridge in Lancaster courtesy of Ramboll (put there just for our use by the bridges team). Sandwiches and chocolate; enough food for a week’s cycling for Jenni, who for reasons known only to herself decided, in true hobbit fashion, that 40 unsupported miles before a rest day and the availability of a support car was the optimum time to stock up on cereal bars, flapjacks, golden syrup cake, condensed milk, bananas, bread, cheese…

(Jude’s mockery did somewhat diminish after her first squeeze of condensed milk!)

Powered on to the lakes, finding a hummocky rather than mountainous route, filled with moraine and roches moutonees which excited Jude no end. Jenni more excited by the perfection of her no-hands cycling technique, somewhat assisted by the bike being fully laden. On through Rio and beautiful lakeside scenery (for those who haven’t read Swallows and Amazons, GO AND READ IT) and up to the North Pole. Only to find that we were not in fact staying at the North Pole (Ambleside) and had to go back to Rio.

Have now also discovered that a week’s cycling makes a pint of ale a lot more effective than usual, and planning to topple bedwards early. Topple being the operative word.

Vital Stats:

Miles: 84

Distance to Date: 555 Miles

Ascent: 3150ft

Puncture count: Nil

Maltloaf count: 1 (sliced – thanks to Dad & Will for the innovation). Honourable mention to the golden syrup cake as well.

Death count: 1 (Jude finally giving up on her cycling computer)

Amusing place names abandoned in favour of Swallows and Amazons nomenclature

In the First Test of the England vs. New Zealand End-to-End Pub Cricket Series (7-day test), final scores:

New Zealand: All out for 72

England: 117 for 9, man of the match to Bradley Wiggins for his 50.

Second Test to commence on Day 9, based on 50-mile innings.

Distance: 65 miles
weather: light rain followed by heavy rain

After a restless night in our BnB with mattresses made of iron we set off on our shortest ride of the trip so far. As we are not having a rest day on this trip we decided to make the afternoon in bristol our first point to recover from Cornwall. With that in mind and torrents of rain we set (or maybe I set) a cracking pace through the somerset levels which Pete kept up but was not too happy about. 4 hours riding, a break in a pub to drink soup and local ale, 1 tunnel and a no punctures saw us arrive in backwell for 3pm for a well deserved shower and stretch. Our afternoon in bristol was then spent looking for new waterproofs to cope with the weather forecast for the rest of the week.

Day 4 Backwell to Leominster

Distance 75miles
Bridges crossed 3
Heavy rain showers avoided 4/5

Heading out from the hills of backwell we made it into wet brizzle over the suspension bridge for two stops in at Penny Brohn Cancer Care Centre and St Peters Hospice for some photos with the friendly staff and a chat. After biscuits and and a quick drink we were on the road again to the first severn crossing. With a strong side wind we road at a steady pace across the bridge and on into the beautiful wye valley where the roads was as smooth as glass and the views equally amazing. At the top of the valley we met up with dad and stopped for a tasty panini in the monmouth conservative club, the friendly staff made us some great coffee whilst we sheltered from another torrential downpour
On from Monomouth the ride went smoothly through the valleys of wales out into the rolling hills and Leominster.

Day 5 Leominster to Irby (on the Wirral)

Distance 103 miles
Height gain minimal

Our third longest day of the trip we decided to pace ourselves on the levels rolling roads of the midlands; though somehow managed to average 17miles an hour and made it to Irby on the Wirral in just over 7 hours A great evening was spent with Dave and Mike in Irby where we went to their local pub and sampled some of the local(ish) ales from lancashire, a big cheers to Dave for putting us up!

Day 6 Irby to Windermere

Distance 107 miles
Team numbers 2 upto 8!

Day 6 started off damp and grey in Liverpool on our way to the Mersey. We planned to catch the ferry across the famous river and arrived in plenty of time at the WRONG ferry port! disaster! A quick check with some local builders and we realised the ferry port we needed was a mile away and the ferry departed in 5 minutes. Dad tore off through town in the golf with me and pete in pursuit on the bikes. We managed to race up to the terminal and meet dad who had bought two tickets in the nick of time and we were on our way. The crossing was great with some excellent views of the city though Pete discovered quite painfully that wet wooden decking and plastic cycling cleats don’t offer much grip…
Riding on through the grey suburbs of the industrial side of Liverpool we stopped for a greasy fry up before leaving for Preston, to join up with the team Ramboll! We made it through to Preston station a little behind schedule and met up up with the rest of the Ramboll group joining us for the trip and we set off into the wilds of the sustrans cycle route through the back streets of Preston. After several u turns and mis directed turnings we escaped Preston and it’s delightful sights for the scenic views of the Lake District. A fantastic ride further into cumbria took us over to the shores of lake windermere. For the first time on the trip the sustrans route came up trumps with some nice winding country lanes leading to the A6 – a fantastic winding country lane through the hills of cumbria that capture the essence of the Shire.
Unfrotunately we have still not found decent internet conncetions to upload the pics… they will be coming soon